Finding Good

The three girls ran by giggling and laughing chasing their tea-cup sized puppy who had escaped it's collar across the grass. The sun was beating down on my back even at 6:45 PM and I was finishing up my last lap on a 3 mile walk at Pinkerton park.

I was along side a dear friend, who I feel utterly and completely comfortable with chatting about our days. About what's to come and about life. I was soaking in much needed vitamin D. My baby was napping peacefully with his toes curled around the cup holder, sucking on the stroller strap. And God was filling holes in my heart at that very moment.

The early part of the week was rough. Felix wouldn't nap and wouldn't sleep more than 2 hours in a row at night MAX and I actually found myself questioning whether I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I envied the women out on kid-free lunch dates talking loudly about office politics and not worrying about leaky boobs, nap schedules or how to squeeze in a shower before noon.

A few mornings earlier I laid on the floor and cried while my baby fussed beside me and kicked his froggy legs up and down grabbing his toes and sucking on his fingers. Nothing could quite make him happy and I was so tired. I hadn't left the house in 2 days. I felt so alone. I felt so overwhelmed by the messy house. I felt so frustrated that nothing creative had flowed out of me for days and I didn't feel like I was a good enough mom for my buddy. I let God set peace on me. It didn't quite sink in all the way but enough rubbed off that I had grace to get through that rough day.

He gave me a husband who insisted on watching the baby that night while I spent sometime out of the house alone. He gave me time with other worship leaders for late night lattes. He revealed goodness to me in sunny mornings, hot showers, funny sit coms, snuggly babies, sweaty workouts, husband-made breakfast sandwiches, 6 hours of sleep and now this evening walk with a friend surrounded by happiness.

This season of life is hard for me and I'm still navigating how to not let my emotions run out of control on "down" days, but the good FAR out weighs the bad. God is more than faithful and always provides just what I need. I'm thankful able to raise my son as a full-time stay at home mommy. He really brings me so much joy.

My First Mom's Day

This year was my first official mother's day. I say official because I was sort of celebrating mother's day last year. We found out we were pregnant the Thursday before Mother's day and told both of our moms on Mother's day as part of their gift. It was a really special time. I will forever remember 5/10/12 being the morning that I peed on a stick and the lines finally showed the plus sign and that Sunday Josh bought me a sweet card and brought home some chocolate covered strawberries.

However, this past mother's day was especially great because I got to hold my little bud bud in my arms  and know his name and see his precious face and drooly smiles all day PLUS my mom was in town for the holiday as well, which just made it even sweeter.

Josh did a great making the day special for me. A MASSIVE (and I mean massive) breakfast feast was prepared and brought to me in bed. Where he let me sleep baby-free for 2 hours in the morning! (!!) A cute musical card that sang "Anything you want, you got it" with the ever-awesome cash gift  inside (which has already burned a hole in my pocket at target and Old Navy). I led worship at church, which ended up being a really nice time with the Lord singing songs to him about how thankful I am for being true to his promises.

They gave away some mother's day presents at church on Sunday, too and it totally ended up looking sketchy because Josh was giving the presents away and I won something (a $25 Macy's card) and so did my sister Rebecca (A Keurig which she gave to my mom!) Some jokingly said "it was rigged" but honestly, I really do think the Favor of God was resting on my family that day! 3 generations all in one place. Happy and God was happy about it and wanted to just pour even more on us. I'm not complaining at all!

We had another massive feast for lunch all made by the gentlemen - steaks, sweet potatoes, corn on the cob, salad, brussel sprouts and carrot cake. And then the afternoon Josh and I spent relaxing at the house while Josh mostly took care of Felix and let me work on whatever I wanted! I made a fun mother's day card for my mom (See above) that was just mailed today (Whoops!) and then in the evening we got some deli sandwiches from Whole Foods and walked around Target killing time.

I'm so thankful for such a supportive, understanding, kind, and wonderful husband who made my first official day as a mom super special. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve such an amazing man and then add my cute baby on top of that and my heart wants to explode with thanksgiving.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Resistance

Inspiration. Please come to me....I literally just typed that out as a start to this blog because for the last two weeks I have been feeling a bit like an empty shell walking around with nothing creative flowing out of me. I blame the rainy weather, the food poisoning, a fussier than usual baby who is refusing naps and sleeping restlessly at night (You have to sleep at some point kid - I hate to break it to you), or the fact that I have other, work related projects on my plate that are easy for me to escape to.

But if I'm really honest with myself I know what is causing this slump. It's resistance.

Have any of you ever read the book - the War of Art by Steven Pressfield? Well if you haven't, you should. I read about three- quarters of the book a couple of years back and recently acquired the audio book and have been letting the truths that book spins push me out of this funk.  It's an in-your-face direct and honest book about the reasons why people struggle to accomplish good things....be it a creative endeavor  betterment of your health, or personal growth of any kind. Pressfield clearly identifies "resistance" as the enemy that blocks you and then he lays out a war strategy against resistance to achieve success. His approach is worldly, but to be honest, he is laying out Kingdom principals and what happens in the spiritual realm of our hearts day in and day out.

God is the ultimate creative being and humans are made in His image. Whether you think you are creative or not, you are. Even if your creativity comes in the form of business strategies or overcoming complex engineering obstacles, every single person has creativity at their very core. Releasing that creativity, even if it doesn't have the label "christian" on it, is showing a piece of God to the world. Through art, music, dance, writing, acting, or complex scientific discovery, God reveals himself beyond a label and through all mediums of creative expression.

Enter resistance. In the book it's hard not to picture resistance as the devil himself. He is described as a liar. as a thief, as insidious. If that doesn't sound like beelzebub, I don't know what does. I know i am called to write. write poetry. write stories. write memories. write songs...therefore, Resistance (read: the devil) will do everything in his power to stop me from accomplishing this task.

I'm an overcomer by recognizing the enemy and merely pushing "publish" on this blog.

A Quick Update and iPhone Dump

Oh my word! The last two weeks have flown by! We spent two weekends ago celebrating our good friend Brendan's birthday, me leading worship on Saturday night and Sunday morning, then Sunday afternoon grilling out and sunday night making s'mores around a campfire in our friend's backyard! It was jam packed of memories, good food, and sweet times with some of those we care most about. Friends fill life to the brim.

Then last weekend Felix took his first big road trip up to Bloomington, IL for Josh's dad's 60th birthday. We did the 6 hour trip in 8 hours on the way up and just under 7 hours on the way back. Most of the trip went well and Felix slept a good amount leaving lots of time for me to read Catching Fire out loud to Josh (So excited for the movie in November!). The last hour both ways on the trip were the worst. Lots of "overly-happy mommy voice" and a few hang-over-the-car-seat-nurse-sessions to keep Felix satisfied and we got through the drive relatively unscathed.

A few extra side projects and a horrifying bout of food poisoning due to a broken fridge and me trying to "save" the expensive deli meat I just bought (bad bad choice) have kept all of us busy here in the Michael household this week.

All that to say, I'm just coming up for air and hope to get back into regular blogging again next week. For now a few favorite iPhone photos from the last couple weeks.

Cheers!

Row 1: Maddie at Play, Pensive Willow, Zoo Outing

Row 2: My men, finger chewing, 60 candles

Row 3: Cousins, a girl loves pink, toe exploration

Row 4: little stud, car entertainment, Cahill's egg maker

Lovely Links

This week Felix has been fighting naps and the weather finally turned consistently nice, so I've resorted to long walks at the park to get him to nap. Evenings have been spent relaxing with Josh watching way to many Parenthood episodes and eating banana ice cream with macadamia nut cookies.

Here are a few links to enjoy for your weekend!

The recipe for some delish strawberry muffins I made Wednesday night. (I added chocolate chips for extra fun!)

If you like a flare for the Southwest this shop has some beautiful pillows and rugs.

Speaking of southwest, I don't have an iPad, but if I did, I would LOVE this case.

Community is a buzz word in the church and also one of the most highly underrated values in our society. Two posts by some of my favorite bloggers touched on the subject this week.
   - Beyond Community - Ray Hollenbach
   - In Which I have Circles of Friendship and a Lobster - Sarah Bessey

A great blog post on dressing little boys.

And on that note, an adorable Onsie that I want for Felix!

Finally some iPhone favorites from the last couple of weeks.

Row 1: sleeping unswaddled for the first time. home made reese cup blizzards, tummy time
Row 2: Giant bowl of egg noodle soup, happy stander, pollen and rain
Row 3: me and my lil dude, kindergarden run day at the park during my walk, handsome man holding sleeping baby
Row 4: Copious amounts of popcorn at a party,  early morning yawns, crib play time.